Giving zero f**ks is the latest trend I hear people throwin’ around lately. Yea sure, this sounds cool and all, but it also feels like this is easier said than done, right?!
I mean, anyone can say “I don't give a bleep what so-and-so thinks about me” when in reality, it truly cuts pretty deep.
Btw, let me add an important insert here, being hurt because of the actions or remarks from others is okay and normal. You’re human after all. You're allowed to have feelings and in fact, suppressing your true emotions does more harm than good. So feel the feels.
With that said, having been the type of person who was easily insulted and ruminated on those emotions for days, and now stepping into this new version of myself where the words and actions of others don’t affect my temperament or how I feel about myself...I can honestly say, the latter feels way better and is far more empowering!
That’s the reason I decided to share this article with you so that I can offer you the tools that have helped and continue to help me truly not care what others think of me and allowed me to take on a more bird’s eye view to observing negative behavior in myself and others.
Recently, I enjoyed a girl’s getaway weekend with some of my friends that I’ve known for almost 20 yrs (highly recommended).
Well unbeknownst to me, one of my ‘friends’ must have decided for herself that we were no longer friends. She came into the weekend with heavy and aggressive energy.
If you know me, you know that I stay meditated, and if you’re an avid meditator you know that it grants you a sixth sense type ability to deeply feel and observe energies. So, I sensed her energy before the weekend even began, but didn’t know what I was feeling until I actually saw her and it became clear (thank you open third-eye chakra 🙌🏽).
Immediately, I made the decision that I wasn’t going to react nor was I going to address it. Normally, I have no qualms with a civil confrontation, however gauging the intensity of anger I felt from this woman, I thought it better to give her space so maybe she could process some of her emotions, and then perhaps we could have a proper convo after she cools off.
For the duration of the trip, this person made one snide comment after another, criticized me for anything she could possibly criticize me for, discussed her discontent with other people in our party, and if looks could, ooooooh boy, I’d be in some deep trouble!!
Getting to Know Old Sara:
Now Sara Version 1.0, me anytime before 2018, let me tell ya...that Sara would have ruined the weekend for everyone. Bc she operated purely out of ego when triggered!! She would have lashed out at this other woman with all of her fiery Sagittarian energy and made this other woman’s head spin so quick she wouldn't have stood a chance.
She also would have caused a huge scene and totally brought down the vibe. She would not have allowed the issue to come to a quick resolve. She would’ve made equally hateful and mean remarks for the remainder of the trip. She would’ve pulled each of the other people in the group aside to have sidebar conversations to try to get them in on the fight as well. She would have come home heated and dragged her husband into the negative energy as well.
Biologically, the stress from all of the above would have elevated her blood pressure, pulse rate, and caused a heightened state in her sympathetic nervous system, prompting stress hormones to have a field day. This event would have taken at least a week to physiologically recover from, and that’s being generous.
Sara Version 2.0
The Sara of today knows better, she’s older and wiser. Hallelujah!!
When I said that I mentally checked out of this fight before it even got started, that’s exactly what I did. I took a moment to be still and check-in with myself. This allowed me the mental space to determine whether or not I wanted to participate. I knew I hadn’t done anything to harm this woman, in fact, we haven't had much of a relationship in the last few years, so there was nothing there.
Realizing this was a key step in not giving a f**k about what this woman thought, because my rationale was ‘if this heavy energy wasn’t my creation, then the resolution wasn’t my burden to carry’.
Listen, I’m all for solutions, even when ‘it’s not my problem’ *and* I’ve also learned where I can be of service and what I should keep a distance from. And for this particular situation, I took the stance of not wanting to get involved in it, whatever it was.
So what did I do?
I enjoyed myself with the other ladies in the group. We laughed, we sang, we danced, we played games, we star-gazed, we drank the most delicious champagne and wines...we had a blast!!
Everyone had fun except the one person who chose not to. She physically looked miserable and thankfully, in this case, the rest of us did not allow her misery to hijack anyone else’s good time.
So the million-dollar question, how did I not allow her negative energy to affect me?! How was I able to not care about her opinion of me?!
When you work hard to gain inner peace, you protect it at all costs. Boundaries are everything. And life is so much easier when the only person who can determine your mood is YOU!
I know my example above was an issue with a 'friend', however, the methods I'm about to share with you can work no matter who the negativity is coming from, whether it be your close friends, family, or coworkers to strangers on the internet spewing hateful shit through a computer screen.
Your only job when someone comes at you in this manner is to protect your energy and these tools are the way.
Here are 2 simple beliefs to help take you from frazzled to care-free:
Embrace the belief that other people’s emotions are not your responsibility. For more on how to change your beliefs check out this vid “4 Steps to Changing your Beliefs.”
Don’t wait until the proverbial shit hits the fan before you make this mindset shift. This has to become a mantra, something you live by in your day to day.
I truly believe that the world is a mirror, it shows you what you need to see in order for you to grow and expand as a being. So it’s never my goal to change what I see, instead I need to ask the Universe “What is this showing me? What lessons do I need to learn?”
Shifting my perspective in this manner allows me to hold more compassion for people who are my messengers, so I don't think negatively about them because I realize they are helping me along my journey. Let’s check out some real-life examples:
Have a rude-ass frenemy (like my story above)?
No worries, maybe she's showing you that you’ve outgrown this friendship and need to let it go. Or maybe your growth or healing has disturbed the unhealed or underdeveloped parts of her.
Got a demanding, inconsiderate boss that takes you for granted?
Don’t sweat it, that may be the Universe's way of nudging you outside of your comfort zone so that you gain the courage to apply for a different job or better yet, start that side hustle you've been passionate about for years.
Husband not showing you enough love or attention?!
Could that be a sign that perhaps he wants more love and attention himself?
Are your employees lazy and complacent, no longer giving a shit about their work performance?
Could that be an indication that they need a bigger role to play so they feel a sense of fulfillment in their work? Or could they need some type of incentive (commission-based pay, extra time-off, flexible work schedule) to motivate them to care more?
You see, all of these are examples where you could easily play the victim role in your life and choose to think the world is working against you: friends turning on you, boss sucks, husband is ready to leave you and your employees are worthless.
You can reclaim your power and your role as the Co-Creator of your life, and have trust and faith that the Universe (God, Source, The Ultimate Creator, Yahweh, Allah, or whatever word resonates for you) is always working in your favor and communicating with you through other people and/or your environment. But you have to be open to receive the Universe’s messages. And victimhood will rob you of this gift.
You will trigger people & won’t be liked by everyone, and that’s okay.
Know that as you grow, in any way (healing your trauma, becoming more successful, making more money, expanding spiritually and/or intellectually, etc.), you will trigger those who have not grown in those areas. This is inevitable and you can’t avoid it.
Don’t let it knock you off your game. Keep growing anyway. Continue your spiritual healing and awakening. Never shrink yourself for the comfort of others. That’s a disservice to you and them. Instead, shine bright my friend, and perhaps that’ll encourage others to evolve as well.
Now that you’ve got the beliefs down, what’s next?!
The following are some tools to help you clear any negative energy that comes your way. Once you try them out and discover which ones work for you, you’ll be able to quickly recall the most effective tool for you based on the heaviness of the energy you encounter. Some situations are more complex, requiring all of the tools I mention here, while other times, you can pick your favorite one, and that’s all you need.
No, I’m not a hippie. But this works, and as an added bonus, it’s science-backed (this isn’t a requirement for me, if it feels good intuitively, I don’t need science to tell me it feels good!)
For more on why this works and all the fun ways to do it, check out my blog WTF is Grounding?!
Spray or waft the smoke on and around you while making the intention of physically moving and clearing the energy. You can end with an affirmation like 'I release all negative thoughts and emotions' or "I am clearing my thoughts and physical space of energy that no longer serves me".
Cord Cutting is a powerful visualization technique used to sever you from any energy you no longer wish to be attached to. When someone comes at you with negative or heavy energy, if you use this tool effectively and repetitively, the other person's energy won’t affect you.
This could be used to sever the energetic cord with anyone, not just frenemies. You can use it for your loved ones as well if they’re going through heavy stuff and you want to help them without draining all of your energy.
The better you get at this, the faster you can move from being hurt to giving zero effs!
How to cut energetic cords:
I’ll add here because I always get this question when I share this exercise with businesswomen in my workshops, this exercise doesn't sever your relationship with the other person if that’s not your intention to do so. You're not cutting that person out of your life, instead, you're detaching from the unwanted energy and emotions. This way you can observe the situation, without getting sucked into the negativity. And from this more peaceful place, you can choose your move wisely or simply refrain from reacting altogether.
When something negatively impacts you, writing it down in a journal is a tried-and-true tool to help you move the energy from inside of you (and your mind), out and onto physical paper. Most therapists recommend journaling for a number of reasons.
In true Sara fashion, I love to take things up a notch, I've been known to be a tad extra sometimes. I’ve added a bonus step to journaling: if you don’t want a certain emotion any longer, after you write it down on paper, you then burn the paper and release the ashes. I end it with a simple, yet powerful, affirmation like ‘I release you’ or, if you’re into the woo, ‘I release you to love and light.’ And then watch the ashes fly away & disperse or you can wash them down the drain.
I hope these tools and mindset shifts can help you move from caring way too much about what others think, to living your life with the freedom to be authentically you. As women, we've spent far too long living up to the expectations other people set for us, many times at the expense of our own well-being. It's time we change the game ladies.
Who cares what strangers on the internet think of us. And as for friends and family, well if they truly love and care about you, they'll support you just as you are without judgment and criticism. Demand more for yourself, because you deserve it.
And as for my frenemy from above, I’ve used the hacks mentioned here to forgive *and* release that friendship as it no longer serves either of us. She's been blocked (energetically and technologically) and I'm back to enjoying my unwavering peace.
Until next time...
Sending you peace and so much love,
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**Note so my lawyer doesn't have a heart-attack: All the ideas mentioned on this site are my personal opinions based on my life experiences, and are provided for informational and entertainment purposes only. Any action you take upon the information on this website is strictly at your own risk. I am not a medical professional.**
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